B.Z. Niditch

Adam and Eva are famished after a heavy, petulant night of petting on all fours in uncomfortable positions, thrashing the continually moving space capsule by the stars’ Dyson sphere.

The Zoosphere reached its apogee and climaxed in a breathless, stormy midnight under massive atmospheric pressure.

Then, in the morning, the couple began their early repast with crêpes Suzette, several Spanish omelettes, Russian blintzes, chunks of Polish sausages, stacks of Aunt Jemima pancakes, Vermont maple syrup, and English breakfast tea, all consumed in tiny grape leaf capsules with the energy of mind food.

The two Zoosphere passengers move in heights of three hundred meters, near floating stars and meteors among nebulas.

Adam never feels alienated by his intergalactic language as they land on Venus. But Eva knows other females will use their best needle-er energy weapons to capture Adam, the first trans-human male to have visited there in half a century.

Adam puts on a waldo for his remote control in his Starwisp unarmed patrol.

“Stop with the make-up, Eva. You already won the first prize in the Earth-Space beauty contest.”

“But Adam, stop being an Earth-minded sexist. That was so long ago.”

“Take the Ever-Young Green Cream, if you’re so worried about your appearance.”

“I remember that Vera, the first runner up on Venus, and all the suggestive-digestive youth juices she pressed into your big mouth when you succumbed to her on the high voltage Power to Push trampoline.”

“I was so tired when we reached Venus, that I fell into her arms. She was showing me the ropes while you were with Billy Bob in his sex-machina.”

“He welcomed me in his open arms as well.  I saw you eyeing us, so you two-timed me with Vera the whole time in Venus.”

“We both had a natural need for exercise after our long astral journey as two of the first trans-human, long-term residents of the Bernal Sphere.”

“Billy Bob told me he considered you the first and greatest Esper, a person with extrasensory perception.”

“Well, I taught him everything he knows.”

“He had that mind-body thing down to perfection,” Eva sighs as the sun showers her in her new, see-thru tanner swim suit.
“Your gratification seemed never ending, Eva.”

“And you snapped off my belts and snapped a picture with your new Single Moment Venus camera for a quick memento, yourself.”

“As if Billy Bob hadn’t planned his foreplay-machina welcome as his planetary gift for you.”

“I remember you thanked Billy Bob and Vera with a grope of appreciation at the Hot Ray baths.  In fact, you and Billy shared quite a long session of muscular exercise-sexercise together.”

“Wait a moment. We just needed some space away from your jabbering with Vera.”

A sudden slight jolt from the Zoosphere lets a few cats out of the bag into the great Chronosphere.

“Now, look, Salt and Pepper are lost out in the universe.”

Adam hits the Zoosphere’s intergalactic retriever, pulling the cats back into the ship.

“Here, with a quick jolt, the cats are back “

“Adam, only a trans-human could do this!

Well, I promised Vera two cats. She’ll be thrilled.”

“I know she’ll be happy to have us around Venus.”

The Zoosphere increases in speed as gigantic, fiery meteors encircle it in large flaming clouds, onward to Venus.

Adam and Eva relax to some Stevie Wonder on the Bosie machine.

©2012 This work is the property of the author.

  1. this is a riot! What a futuristic vaudeville act.

  2. Oh my, this is wonderfully hilarious! You had me giggling through the whole thing. This is my favorite part:

    A sudden slight jolt from the Zoosphere lets a few cats out of the bag into the great Chronosphere.

    “Now, look, Salt and Pepper are lost out in the universe.”

    You are so clever! I can’t wait to read more.

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